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BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY, or: it's a good thing you're pretty.

Last night, I got to see a movie that's apparently years and years in the making. And that film, an epic of a film based on an epic of a song, was Bohemian Rhapsody. Starring Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody is supposedly a biographical film following the story of the band Queen. However, it serves more as a biopic about Freddie Mercury. Disclaimer before I continue: never before have I felt such hesitancy in writing about a movie. I feel that a lot of people have really strong feelings about this movie, Freddie, and Queen itself. However, I guess it's my job as a pretend movie critic to write my opinions without really worrying about the general public. So here goes. I enjoyed watching this film. It was colorful. It was a musical. I like those things. I thought the film was brilliantly designed; there are sequences of breathtaking cinematography, gorgeous costumes (that fantastically, perfectly replicate costumes worn by the members of Queen in their heyday), and mo...
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COCO

"Seize your moment!" ...That is, unless you're a heartless, murdering bastard with a butt-chin. Hello friends! It is I, back from another hiatus, with a movie that came out I think about a year ago? Since it's on Netflix now, I had the pleasure of watching Disney's Coco, and I was absolutely blown away. The movie is beautiful, complex, and has a lot of very poignant, serious moments. It's a kids movie that doesn't condescend to its audience, which is a big fucking win. In short, the premise of Coco is that a young boy in Mexico named Miguel has a passion for music that his family doesn't support because of a male family member that abandoned his wife and child to pursue a career as a singer. At the beginning of the movie, Miguel's family is in the midst of preparing to celebrate Dia de Los Muertos, a traditional celebration in which families honor deceased loved ones by leaving out offerings for the spirits (among other traditions). In Mi...
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EIGHTH GRADE

"Gucci!" I cringed even just typing that. But I'm here today to say a few words about Bo Burnham's new movie, Eighth Grade. I was lucky enough to get into my state's free screening of the film last Wednesday, and I absolutely had a blast (and not only because it was in one of those theaters with the comfy reclining seats). Eighth Grade is a sort of barely-linear snapshot in the life of Kayla Day, who is on her last week of middle school. The audience gets to follow Kayla as she is thrown into a variety of situations, ranging from awkward to absolutely uncomfortable. Although it's been several years since I was in eighth grade, I could relate to everything Kayla experiences throughout the film; in fact, despite the fact that the film takes place in present day, with technology and trends that might not have been around during the adolescence of some viewers, the emotions and motivations that drive the film's main character are things that everyone can...
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HEREDITARY

"Hail Paimon!" That's right, guys and gals. Today I'm going to be talking about Hereditary, which I just saw in theaters AT NIGHT...by myself. And it was a very enjoyable experience, seeing the movie alone. I did, however, have to take a bath and go right to bed when I got home, because Hereditary was extremely emotionally draining and kept me SO TENSE the entire time. I would say that's the mark of a good film- to be able to pull that much emotion from an audience member.  The plot of Hereditary is so wild that it's difficult to explain without giving the plot away, so note: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS. Hereditary tells the story of the Graham family, who has recently been deprived of their matriarch following her death. Annie, the mother, builds miniatures; her husband, Steve, is some kinda corporate dude; their son Peter is a highschool stoner dude; and their daughter, Charlie, is clearly kinda weird, but it's hard to figure out why at the beginnin...
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SUSPIRIA

"Susie, do you know anything about...witches?" Hello there folks! After another hiatus, I'm back to posting. Today, it'll be a short review of Dario Argento's 1977 film Suspiria. Starring my woman-crush Jessica Harper, Suspiria tells the story of an elite dance school in Germany that's run by a small coven of witches. I've been wanting to watch this film since I first saw Jessica Harper in Shock Treatment about three years ago, and I'm glad I got the chance to fill my eyes with its gorgeous sets and my ears with the chilling score by Goblin (truth be told, the Suspiria theme is my favorite movie theme of all time). The first thing to be said about this movie is that the students at the ballet school were supposed to be children, according to the original script. However, those producing the movie thought that if children were subjected to violence within the movie, Suspiria would definitely be banned. So, the students at the academy in the final v...
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SHOCK TREATMENT

"Hi Brad, I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am!" Hi there, world. Today, I'm covering another underrated, low-budget, unpopular movie that I love: Richard O'Brien's 1981 film Shock Treatment. Marketed as not a sequel or prequel, but an "equal" to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Shock Treatment was a critical and commercial failure upon its release, but has developed a cult following over the past few decades.  Shock Treatment tells the story of Brad and Janet Majors (from Rocky Horror), a married couple who return to their home town of Denton. However, instead of being a regular ol' town, Denton is a giant TV studio in which the citizens of the town watch and/or star in TV shows live day and night, even sleeping in their studio seats. In this way, regular life is played out on camera. Janet and Brad are invited up from the crowd to participate in a show called Marriage Maze, during which Bert Schnick convinces Janet that Brad is an ...
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THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

"Keep your hand at the level of your eye!" Today, to celebrate its recent re-release on Netflix, my discourse will cover Joel Schumacher's 2004 film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's musical, Phantom of the Opera (which, in turn, was based on Gaston Leroux's 1910 novel of the same name). I'm very torn writing this, because I both love this movie and think it's kind of a dumpster fire. But I'll get into that. For those that don't know, The Phantom of the Opera tells the story of young orphan Christine Daae, who is taken under the wing of ballet instructor Madame Giry and lives at the Opera Populaire in Paris, France. After the former owner of the opera house retires, it falls into the hands of two rather foolish businessmen and their patron, the Viscount de Chagny (who was Christine's childhood sweetheart, incidentally). Madame Giry informs the two businessmen, Andre and Firmin, that a phantom resides in the opera house, composing music and ...
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